newsletter #4 - eclipsed + w/ updates!
scorpio lunar eclipse reflections, exciting news, offerings, + more <3
Hola amores,
I wrote this for you all last week and had to sit on it for a bit. Since then, more tragedy and more joy has happened - for me, for you. It’s hard to keep up with all we are experiencing collectively while honoring what is unique to my own little world. What I wrote below remains true <3
inhale
exhale
//
I have sat down to write you all so many times over the last year. Every time I have drawn a blank. What to share with you all when I am sitting in a swirling pool of inconsistency, growth, overwhelm, movement, joy, sorrow, reawakened gratitude all at once.
But here I am today. Finally. Writing this on the Scorpio Lunar Eclipse.
And what I am excited to share with you is that…
I do not know.
I don’t. I am a body filled with questions, incompleteness, profound feeling, and few conclusive words.
What does this bring up for you? Where do you feel it? It’s possible I feel something similar.
This is me coming out as someone who is still healing from believing my worth and wisdom is in having answers. In having a clearly defined ~something~ for you to leave here with. And that this is what you all come here for.
& in this insecurity of my unknowing, I hear whiteness, colonialism, christianity. I hear academia. I hear myself as an older sibling - always positioned to protect, bring ease, offer a way through unspeakable pain. I hear myself loving, hurting, afraid, reckoning - looking for solidity where I only feel fluctuation. I hear someone learning how to sit with immense mysteries in an exploration of how to remain in connection (vs isolation) as my world reformulates into something entirely new. I hear myself learning about patience, trust.. about the sturdiness and fluidity of what I believe in.
Now, I know the people around me who love me, have felt my wisdom, have appreciated when what comes out of my mouth sounds like an answer, are like – Sol, you know so much.
And I’m like - sure sure, yes, I do. And so do you. I don’t mean to create a duality where there doesn’t need to be one. But also, right now? In this moment? In this body? In this series of circumstances? What I mostly have to report is that I have a growing comfort with where I am unsure, where I am unknowing, where I am undone. I have been in this vacuum of mystery for so long now that at this point, life is telling me this whirlwind must be a place where life can flourish. Where home can be felt.
Yesterday I learned from Tongva elder Tina Calderon that traditionally (before made dangerous by colonizers), Tongva people would offer the land yearly cultural burnings of the underbush to encourage land regeneration and new plant growth. In these yearly ceremonial burnings, people would burn their homes - offer up their shelter of the year and rebuild a home for the next. In this brief anecdote, I hear trust in some greater holding. I hear a steady belonging to a changing land. I hear a release of attachment for the sake of regeneration.
Uuuuuff. What do you hear?
I am trying to listen. I am crying while I listen. I am fighting while I listen. But I am listening. I feel something wise building in my belly, in my ovaries, in my heart, in my feet, in my muscles, in my hands. A simultaneous letting go and holding tight.
This feels powerful for me. This feels right for me. This feels vulnerable for me.
In my uncertainty and incompleteness, I sometimes wonder: Can I be loved here too? Will you still listen to me? Am I still valuable in our truth-seeking communities? Am I still seen as someone who offers healing? Am I still a good life coach?* Are my unfinished thoughts intriguing enough for you? Will you still read my words?
I am learning to trust this is its own ripe wisdom too.
inhale
exhale
I pray the layers of healing needed for our liberation(s) continue to show themselves. That we can receive them with grace, compassion & clear-seeing. That we feel the love needed to not abandon ourselves and our communities when the shadow takes over.
Writing from within my Scorpio cave reaching my heart out into the sun,
☼ Sól ☼
[*Am I a good life coach? - Maybe even more so. I thank my coaching training for my muscle-building in holding a questioning space vs. seeking of answers as my coaching partners explore their own wisdom for what is next.
on that note, read below <3]
some exciting news :)
In all this, I graduated from my Life, Leadership & Executive Coaching course with Institute for Coaching Excellence
and am officially certified as a Life Coach!! :)
& I am continuing to invest in my coaching practice by participating in Coaching for Healing Justice & Liberation’s 9-month cohort! This is exciting for meee.
With this certification & additional training, I will be slowly opening my doors to you - worldbuilders, community members, healers, organizers, leaders, program directors, facilitators, kind readers - if you are seeking healing companionship & accountability as you experiment with the ins & outs of cultivating more curiosity, authenticity, intention, and embodied liberation in your daily lives, relationships and ecosystems.
I have 3 spots available at the moment for coaching partners. Are you interested?
If your interest feels peaked, fill out this brief form for a free 1-hr consultation call where we can discern our next steps together :) This is a temporary doc while my ~~website~~ comes together. More below.
**important: I ground this coaching practice in the lineages of people practicing compassionate discernment spaces that support self-actualized, curious, healing people and communities. In my body, I associate this with indigenous practices for collective care & movement building. I give gratitude to these lineages.
+++ exciting news:
My website is officially in the works.
They are being birthed at their natural pace by my dear friend, leo martinez, and will be in your inboxes sometime soon nestled within a newsletter :) This website will be the main place my coaching clients will go to connect with me. Stay tuned for moreee ~ wooooo.
art by juli love-santoyo - IG: @jul.l.o.v.e
❀y ofrendas para ti❀
offered by me:
Playlist: Newsletter #4 (spotify, lmk if you need another platform!)
Writing: Newsletter #1
Writing: Newsletter #2
Writing: Newsletter #3
offered by loved ones:
Poetry: Already Knew You Were Coming - Sarah Nnenna Loveth Nwafor
“This collection shows us how to bring compassion to all the iterations of one's spirit, and leaves you with affirmations of your future-self whispering in the winds.”
Podcast: Enough is Enough - Lawrence Barriner II & Caroline Howe
What does it mean to be, have, do enough? Such generous brilliance.
Video: “You Were Welcomed With Love #ReimagineBirth” - Boston’s Neighborhood Birth Center
offered by the greater ‘We’:
Book: Smell of Rain on Dust - Martín Prechtel
“Inspiring hope, solace, and courage in living through our losses, author Martín Prechtel, trained in the Tzutujil Maya shamanic tradition, shares profound insights on the relationship between grief and praise in our culture–how the inability that many of us have to grieve and weep properly for the dead is deeply linked with the inability to give praise for living.”
Podcast: What is the role of coaching in a world in need of healing and radical change?
I appreciate Charmaine Roche + Hany Shoukry specifically <3
Book: Fair Play (haven’t read yet but recommended)
Offers systems and reflections on how to create a household where responsibilities feel fair & consensual, and relationships feel nourished
you can offer ($$$):
Thanks for reading, feeling, and celebrating w me as feels appropriate for you <3 Hoping you are able to move slow & close to yourself in some area of your life today.
✣Sol writes from occupied Massachusett Ponkapoag territory and Black liberator land.
✣For tips: venmo @sol-stice